What Friends Are Made Of

It's not for the weak or the ambivalent.

If you want to be called my friend, this is what's expected:

• Honesty. If you know something that I don't, and it pertains to me, you have to tell me. No matter how much you don't want to, and no matter how you think I'll react.
• Brutal Honesty. If I ask you something, don't lie to me. Even if it makes me look fat, I want to know.
• Intelligence. Don't ask me questions if whatever answer I give won't even possibly change your mind.
• Empathy. When I am down, try and pick me up. If you can't, get down on the ground with me until I can stand.
• Loyalty. If I'm right, stand by me. If I'm wrong, tell me and help me see why.
• Care. I don't mind if we don't talk every day, or every week, but when something wonderful, or terrible, happens in your life, let me share it with you.
• Humility. Tell me when you hurt, and I will do everything I can to heal you.
• Understanding. I am a little nuts . . . but not more so than your average person. Maybe I am even less crazy than you. Accept me for who I am, and accept that I try to change what I can.
• Love. I am a loving person, and I have a lot to give. You must be able to love me back, and love others.
• (For the boys:) Platonicism. The basis of a cupcake is the cake, not the icing or sprinkles. If we have a friendship that leads to sparks, how lucky we are indeed. But passion fades, and friendship can last forever. Our friendship should be strong regardless of what we do or don't do.
• Help. Think of The Godfather. Healthy exchanges of influence when requested with grace. I will do whatever I can for you, and I expect the same.

And as I posted a while back, I will not hold others to standards I cannot meet myself. If you can do the above things, I will do them for you with everything I have. I will do them happily, for a true friend.

In my life right now, I've acquired some companions who are not true friends. My naivete sometimes fools me into believing I can be friends with everyone I meet, even when we have little in common or circumstances change over long periods of time. This is simply not true. Some people require a buffer of space, something I've learned the hard way many, many times. Some people are pure evil. Some people manipulate, using others only to validate themselves. Some hate themselves and can only find satisfaction in taking others down with them.

Maybe these folks have never known the blessing of true friendship, which is really sad to me. I have experienced it more than I deserve. And I maintain that to call people "friends" who don't truly deserve the title, is an insult to the true ones. It's as simple as a turn of phrase.

They are not friends. They are acquaintences. Auxiliaries. Companions. Passerby. And by the end of the year, they are going to be put in their place.

To my real friends out there - I know you're there because I wouldn't share this blog with you otherwise - I love you, and I promise I will show it as often as I can, and as often as you need.

Thank you for being part of my life.