If you need a daily dose of common sense, this should do it for today. Sure, it's a little on the edge. But it is so logical. Too interesting not to share.
From Time.com. I can't figure out how to do a link (sigh), so you'll have to cut and paste. I promise it's worth it.
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1739253,00.html
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Testimony of a Commitment Phobic
Last week, I was asked by a fellow commitment phobic why I am one as well. Since I'd had several margaritas at that point, I told him.
I told him about Nick, who cheated on me with a senior when he was a freshman and I was in 8th grade.
I told him about Jed, who read my emails for a year, read my journal, and looked up my phone calls without my knowledge, and later abandoned the cat we adopted together.
I told him about Tim, who couldn't stand up for himself and made me the villain. He's the one who's engaged to my coworker and still! neither of them have the guts to tell me so. When I see either of them again face to face, they'll be married.
I told him about Adam, who I really let in, really treated like a boyfriend, really was a good girlfriend to . . . and who dumped me after 4 months. He told me he had considered cheating on me to make it easier, and he told me he wished he could be proposing instead.
So yeah, I've been hurt. Each of these men broke my heart, and I'm not really that excited to take another chance. I am not so much of an idiot that I believe it will never happen again, and perhaps I'm only delaying the inevitable, but I have gone over a year without a heartbreak now. And it's been a good year, full of flirting and fun and friendships and martinis and vacations and time with the people who mean the most to me.
Sometimes I wish I could be like those other girls, the ones who actually have a "bride gene," who believe that their whole purpose in life is to meet the right guy, fall in love, get married, and have a family. Then I see people whose lives have been torn apart by divorce, cheating, financial co-depencency, custody battles, "irreconcilable differences," and just general relationship trauma. The worst are the folks who just aren't strong enough in their senses of self to move on and go it alone after a heartbreak. I just don't understand how someone can rely on another person for their ultimate happiness. It doesn't make sense to me.
Fifty percent of marriages end by divorce. I'm no math genius, but that's half. Would you invest your money in something that failed half of the time? Would you buy a car that only started half the time?
And OK . . . maybe it's because I haven't met the right guy. Maybe it's because I've met too many of the wrong ones. Maybe it's because I've seen what married men act like away from their wives. Maybe it's because I've had it with my snivelling, needy girlfriends. Maybe it's because I know my parents' 38 years together might not have been exactly what either of them wanted. Maybe I've lost faith in the dated, patriarchical institution that seems more like self-abandonment than "marriage." Maybe it's because I'm just scared of being that vulnerable to someone who could possibly mean the emotional chainsaw massacre of my heart.
But I know what I want. I know who I am, I know what makes me happy. I know what I want my long-term partnership to be like, and I know that someday it will happen.
In the meantime, I'm playing it safe. I'm playing it safe and making myself (that is, my SELF) strong . . . so when I choose to join my precious heart to another, it's the best heart it can be. And it will be strong enough to stand on its own, yet stand beside another heart, not because it needs another, but because it wants another.
And it's gonna be great.
I told him about Nick, who cheated on me with a senior when he was a freshman and I was in 8th grade.
I told him about Jed, who read my emails for a year, read my journal, and looked up my phone calls without my knowledge, and later abandoned the cat we adopted together.
I told him about Tim, who couldn't stand up for himself and made me the villain. He's the one who's engaged to my coworker and still! neither of them have the guts to tell me so. When I see either of them again face to face, they'll be married.
I told him about Adam, who I really let in, really treated like a boyfriend, really was a good girlfriend to . . . and who dumped me after 4 months. He told me he had considered cheating on me to make it easier, and he told me he wished he could be proposing instead.
So yeah, I've been hurt. Each of these men broke my heart, and I'm not really that excited to take another chance. I am not so much of an idiot that I believe it will never happen again, and perhaps I'm only delaying the inevitable, but I have gone over a year without a heartbreak now. And it's been a good year, full of flirting and fun and friendships and martinis and vacations and time with the people who mean the most to me.
Sometimes I wish I could be like those other girls, the ones who actually have a "bride gene," who believe that their whole purpose in life is to meet the right guy, fall in love, get married, and have a family. Then I see people whose lives have been torn apart by divorce, cheating, financial co-depencency, custody battles, "irreconcilable differences," and just general relationship trauma. The worst are the folks who just aren't strong enough in their senses of self to move on and go it alone after a heartbreak. I just don't understand how someone can rely on another person for their ultimate happiness. It doesn't make sense to me.
Fifty percent of marriages end by divorce. I'm no math genius, but that's half. Would you invest your money in something that failed half of the time? Would you buy a car that only started half the time?
And OK . . . maybe it's because I haven't met the right guy. Maybe it's because I've met too many of the wrong ones. Maybe it's because I've seen what married men act like away from their wives. Maybe it's because I've had it with my snivelling, needy girlfriends. Maybe it's because I know my parents' 38 years together might not have been exactly what either of them wanted. Maybe I've lost faith in the dated, patriarchical institution that seems more like self-abandonment than "marriage." Maybe it's because I'm just scared of being that vulnerable to someone who could possibly mean the emotional chainsaw massacre of my heart.
But I know what I want. I know who I am, I know what makes me happy. I know what I want my long-term partnership to be like, and I know that someday it will happen.
In the meantime, I'm playing it safe. I'm playing it safe and making myself (that is, my SELF) strong . . . so when I choose to join my precious heart to another, it's the best heart it can be. And it will be strong enough to stand on its own, yet stand beside another heart, not because it needs another, but because it wants another.
And it's gonna be great.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
And All That Jazz
I want to take a moment to give props to one of my favorite chick flicks:
Chicago.
This film is probably a better breakup movie than Waiting to Exhale. It's visually stimulating, with juxtaposing music scenes that switch between hard, cold, city images and fancy theater scenes with the actors singing onstage. It's rich. It's luscious. It's full of strong, manipulative, street-smart, wiseass female characters who commit to their choices no matter what the consequences. And yes, they accomplish what I think most girls passionately wish they could do sometimes . . . they kill their chauvenistic, slimy partners! They take them the f*** out! They get caught and go to prison and get attourneys and go to trial and hang and get off and become stars. Add in the jazzy sound and Bob Fosse choreography, and you've got a musical tale that is dripping with sexiness, vengeance, sarcasm, and female beguiling.
And of course it's fake. It's a movie/musical for crying out loud, don't take it so seriously. I am not advocating violence in any way.
It's just good. A little shot (haha) of girl power that is well performed and not even too cheesy for a musical. If you haven't seen it, check it out. If you don't have time to watch it, get the soundtrack.
Some of my favorite lines from this show are:
"You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."
"So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots . . . into his head."
"He had it comin.'"
"I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong?"
"Sure I'm sorry. Sorry I got caught!"
"When you're in trouble, go into your dance!"
"Stay away from jazz and liquor and the men who play for fun!"
"He liked to take me out and show me off for fun. Ugly guys like to do that."
"First I started foolin' around. Then I started screwin' around . . . which is foolin' around without dinner."
. . . and my ultimate favorite . . .
"OH, I'M NO ONE'S WIFE
BUT OH, I LOVE MY LIFE!"
And
All.
That.
Jazz.
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